Self-Defense: A Designer's Musings

One of the hardest things I’ve had to face as a designer has been imposter syndrome. While not a symptom of the design field alone, I’ve struggled with thoughts that revolve around feeling inadequate in my education and studies, which in turn influences my opinion and thoughts when I want to express myself. Or of simply marveling at the fact that I have made it this far (read: I just started my career 2 years ago) and somehow still have no clue what’s really going on. That what I have to say is meaningless anyway, or that I was agreeing with someone else’s point to make them happy.

A voice deep within made me question this - did I truly not have an opinion? But I know that’s not it. When asked my thoughts, my mind is blank, mostly because I’m waiting for someone else to go first. Or, I’ll respond with an answer, but with a long question mark hanging after. It’s a defense mechanism, I say to my partner, so that I don’t look silly saying the wrong thing.

One can argue that this does not have much to do with design, and therefore, does not belong on this blog. But I beg to defer. Design is practically a function none of us can live without - it’s taken into consideration when we wake up each morning and walk to the bathrooms, squeezing toothpaste onto our brushes. When we make coffee and drink a glass of water - when we ride the train to work and sit at our desks. To me, it’s integral to how we live our lives - and is therefore something I have to think about each day.

Another aspect that of course comes into play is my environment. I’m around people who do not look like me, each and every day. I’m designing for people who do not look like me, nor do they resemble the types of places and homes I grew up in, every day. This is when I really feel it - when comments are made that allude to summering in one place, or even just the knowledge of knowing how a shower is enclosed in a fancy home. Things I just didn’t see before, and am only now learning. It’s had an impact, without a doubt.

But I’m starting to learn. One thing that has helped has been staying present and focused on the task at hand. It’s also helped to acknowledge my feelings, thinking through them, and writing them down. I’m far from perfect, and far from understanding that this moment in time will only further my growth and understanding of both myself and those around me, but I’m getting there, and I couldn’t be happier.